Her BrainStorm

The fight for my life and recovery continue. The plight is overwhelming; yet I continue to cling to Christ, the Source of my life.

My dad comes to pay me a long visit in the Intensive Care Unit. I’m later told that through tears, I plead with my dad to contact any military connections he may still have from serving in the Korean military decades ago – to seek assistance in my release. Perhaps, a higher ranked official can negotiate my release. After all, the US and Korea are allies, right? Days turn into weeks and weeks turn into months. After 3-months, I am finally discharged from the military prison. I don’t know how long it’s been since I’ve been held captive. I’m just relieved to be free.

I don’t know where I live, I don’t know what year we are in. I don’t know how old I am. I don’t know what profession I’m in. I can’t remember whether I was married or if I had any children. I can’t remember… as much as I try to gauge reality, vacuity and blankness settle back into my brain and continue to taunt me. I’ve regressed and am a complete incomplete. I wander around the house hoping some “things” perceived can trigger some sort of connection, and help me to remember what I’ve lost. But what exactly am I looking for anyway? Gosh, this is confusing. I wander around the house wondering what I’m searching for. I gasp for air trying to untangle myself from this web of confusion. Help me God. Months later, I start to finally “connect.” My mom writes me a 3-page letter describing in-depth what had happened to me. The letter slowly begins to trigger my memory of a marriage that I had for 12-years. But where is he? The letter went on to explain of his moving out with another woman while I was in the ICU. I also have a child from this marriage. She is safe and doing well in school. She is eight now. I ran an online business prior to my brain surgery. I had complained of fatigue and headaches for weeks prior to the surgery. I had fainted in the back of my warehouse unit where my employees had found me lying unconscious for hours. I was a Praise & Worship leader at my church. I enjoyed exercising, reading, and cooking. I had brain surgery via a craniotomy. It was a big, big surgery that took 10-hours but it went well. Doctors said it went well. You’re safe and recovering now. Dad is sick. He’s been diagnosed with colon cancer but he’s getting treatment. Things will get better. The news of my dad’s diagnoses served as a catalyst for fear and concern unlike anything I’d ever experienced. I descended into the darkest valley of my life. I broke down releasing a flood of confusion and anger towards the God Who immediately became unreal to me.