Her BrainStorm

“God is not a feeling” counseled the Pastor with whom I spoke with about my loss of faith post brain surgery. “But of course He is” – I thought silently to myself. I’ve never audibly heard God’s voice nor have I ever tangibly experienced Him but I was certain God was real. I could bank my life on this. For me, God was – often times – a “feeling.” Whenever I would lead Praise & Worship, I could “feel” God’s Spirit hovering all around me – so thick and so tangible wrapping me in a celestial cocoon – a secret hiding place from all the worries of the world. Leading Praise & Worship in front of a large Sunday congregation; my eyes would well up with tears because I could “feel” the presence of God all around me. A sacrifice so great, so grand, so vast for words to contain the greatness of my God. Isaac Wimberley said it best “if there are words for Him, then I don’t have them.” Ditto. I couldn’t agree with you more, Isaac.

Aside from the memory loss and countless other personal tragedies… I miss God (whew… when it rains, it storms. right?!?). In the middle of my kitchen floor, I (literally) get on my hands and knees and plead with Him to help me with my unbelief. Just something God… just a little something… I’m not even asking for a replay of Paul’s “Road to Damascus” conversion scene. Just please, something.

As time passes, God points my eyes to creation. That’s it! There is a Creator and an Author behind all of “this”! We’re not a random product of a some cosmic force… such intricacies in creation that defy the “Big Bang” Theory. Implausible. Perplexing. Something (obviously) can’t come from nothing.

Some deeper questions I asked myself: why is there order in this world? why does the earth spin on its axis in a perfect orbit around the sun, never leaving its path? how does the four seasons know how to follow an “order”? why is earth the only inhabitable planet? why do humans – the crown jewel of God’s creation – “rule” the world and over all other animals? Why do our eyes dilate at night yet contract in the dark? How are our DNA enzymes “coded” in a perfect ACGT pattern and “know” which molecules to bond with and how to replicate itself? Why does our moral compass tell us that it’s wrong to hurt a helpless baby or a defenseless elderly? Why do we seek love and justice? We do because the Bible tells us that God IS love, and we are made in the image of a just God. For all other forms of life were created through God’s spoken Word; yet God breathed His very breath into us. Creation points to a Creator. His Name is Jesus.